Home At Last
by RaB
Summary: *FINISHED*Spike returns from Africa and must face what he has become
1. Making Up

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the great and powerful Joss Whedon.  
  
Spoilers: There is a tiny bit of spoilers through the end of season 6, not much though  
  
  
  
***Dawn's POV***  
  
I ran through the graveyard, my destination clear. I was heading to Spike's crypt, as I had done consistently since about a week after he left. I wasn't really sure what I'd say to him if I saw him, I hadn't thought that far ahead. I broke into a run and as I turned a corner and ran around a crypt, I went head first into a black-clad body that I had NOT been expecting.  
  
I fell to the ground and looked up slowly. "Spike?"  
  
"Hey Nibblet." I looked at him from head to toe as he helped me up from the dirt. He looked exactly the same as when he left, same bleach-blonde hair and all black clothes, but something was different. I looked at his face and noticed how worn he looked, how tired. I didn't even realize that vampires could get bags under their eyes. Once I fell out of my trace, I looked Spike in the eyes and slapped him across the face using all the strength I could muster.  
  
He fell back a bit, a little shocked I think. He put his hand over the area that I had slapped him and just looked at me, stunned.  
  
"Well, Little Bit, that wasn't exactly the welcome I was expecting, but…"  
  
"Oh really?" I asked him angrily interrupting him, "what were you expecting? A fucking parade? YOU left, remember? YOU did! You left, you left, you left…" I repeated as I beat my fists angrily on his muscular chest. He just watched me but eventually grabbed my wrists and pulled me further from his body.  
  
"You were supposed to be the one. You were the one that wasn't going to leave me!" I yelled at him as my tears began to flow furiously from my eyes. I didn't realize that this would be reaction to seeing him. I was so worried about him that I didn't even has time to let the anger out.  
  
I continued to cry when he pulled me into a tight embrace, against his cold body. I shivered and he hugged me harder. I cried a little more into his chest, but when I had calmed down he let me go, and just looked at me. I felt as though his icy blue eyes were staring right through me. That wasn't so strange though, I could be pretty transparent.  
  
"I missed you, love," he said warmly.  
  
"Where did you go?" I asked bluntly.  
  
"Africa," he told me as he sat back against the nearest grave.  
  
"Africa? Are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah, that's where I went."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To get the chip out."  
  
"What?" I asked as I backed away nervously.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, of course I didn't get it out. Besides, Dawn, I would NEVER hurt you," he said as he smiled reassuringly.  
  
"So, what happened then?"  
  
"It's a funny thing," he told me as he began to laugh. It was such a sad laugh though, not like him at all. He sounded a little crazed as he continued, "all-powerful demons are funny, you know? I come to tell him I want to be what I was. He tells me I've been castrated by love, by the slayer, and I wanted to give her what she deserved. I finish all my bloody, sodding tests, and what do I get? I get my soul."  
  
I stood up from where I was sitting next to him, shocked. I couldn't believed what I had just heard. So many things were going through my head like, will he be like Angel? or maybe he and Buffy can be together now(which was the most prominent thought).  
  
"Do you still love her?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you still love Buffy?"  
  
"Of course I do," he said pointedly.  
  
"Then how could you do what you did to her, or, tried to do anyway?"  
  
Spike looked confused, but then it clicked, and he knew exactly what I was talking about. His eyes filled with tears, I knew he wouldn't lie to me, he never had before.  
  
"Sometimes, Dawnie…love makes you do the wacky."  
  
"Do you feel bad about it?"  
  
"Every second-and you know, that's the problem. I shouldn't feel bad. I'm evil, I have-I had no soul! Why do I keep feeling like this? I shouldn't have guilt, or frustration, or bloody love for the SLAYER! But I do. Oh god, I'm turning out like sodding Angel."  
  
"Well, you do have one thing over Angel," I told him.  
  
"What's that."  
  
"You love Buffy, soul or no soul."  
  
He smiled and he knew I was right. He stood up and brushed himself off, then helped me up from where I had been sitting.  
  
"Uh, Dawn? I Buffy home?"  
  
"Yeah, she is."  
  
"Let's got then." 


	2. The Unforgotten Love

***Dawn's POV***  
  
I walked into the house with Spike following slowly behind me. Buffy was walking down the stairs as I came in.  
  
"Dawn? Where'd you-" she stopped interrogating me the second that she saw Spike standing behind me. "Oh my god," was apparently all she could manage.  
  
"Hi Buffy," he said shyly, as he walked to the base of the stairs. Buffy made her way down to him and slapped him across the face.  
  
"Whoa," he said, a little surprised, "a lot of that going around, isn't there, slayer?"  
  
"You shouldn't have come back, Spike," she said, obviously holding back tears. "You can't just walk in and out of someone's life!" She yelled, reprimanding him.  
  
"Buffy, I would always come back for you."  
  
"But that's the thing. I don't you to come back. I want you out of my life!" I was taken aback at her last comment. I was hurt that she would say that, but she was obviously so hurt that he would leave that she didn't consider anything she said.  
  
"Buffy-"  
  
"Not now, Dawn!"  
  
"Yes now!" I yelled, "Buffy, he has a soul."  
  
Buffy looked as though she were going to faint. She narrowed her eyes and cocked her head. She took a deep breath and walked so that she was standing in right in front of him. "What?"  
  
"Yeah, well, I was gonna tell you myself but the Nibblet sort of spilled the beans, huh?"  
  
"Could we sit?" She asked numbly.  
  
Spike nodded and the three of us headed toward the living room. Buffy more collapsed onto the couch than sat, and Spike sat down beside her. I sat down on the nearest seat, and waited to see what she would possibly say when Willow came down the stairs.  
  
"I heard shouting so- Spike!"  
  
"Hey, Red."  
  
"You're back!"  
  
"That I am. And I see you're here without your left arm."  
  
Willow's eyes filled with tears. It had just occurred to me that Spike knew nothing of what happened after he left. He didn't know about Tara, or that Giles was back, or how Anya and Xander finally reconciled. I myself talked very little to Willow, I knew it was petty of me but every time I spoke to her I thought of how remorselessly she was going to kill me and everyone I loved. I still loved her very much, but, it hurt.  
  
"Tara, is dead," she told Spike, her voice shaking fiercely.  
  
Spike just stared at her with a blank look of shock on his face. He had liked Tara, I know that they kind of bonded a little more over the summer when Buffy was gone. He could manage no words, but just looked at the floor.  
  
Willow was not angry with him, I could tell, but she turned and ran up the stairs to her room. It was still very hard for her to think of Tara, not only because she was gone but because it reminded her of what she did, and almost did after she was shot.  
  
Buffy shook her head and put her hand on Spike's knee. He looked up and smiled, but tears were just barely forming in his tired blue eyes.  
  
"It's okay," she tried to say reassuringly, "you couldn't have known."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Buffy."  
  
She just nodded and she rubbed her hand up and down his back comfortingly. Nothing could have made me happier. She looked up and me and smiled. I nodded in agreement and ran up the stairs, sitting at the top. She must have been to shocked form, well, everything to think that I wouldn't eavesdrop.  
  
"Uh, Spike?" I heard her say from upstairs.  
  
"Yeah," he answered hoarsely.  
  
"How did-how did all this happen?"  
  
"Africa."  
  
"You went to Africa?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, my original motive was to get the chip out, but that obviously didn't go as planned."  
  
"You wanted the chip out?" Buffy asked, sounding a bit hurt.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh." They sat in silence for a minute until finally Buffy spoke again. "Why do you have a soul then?"  
  
"Well, that's the thing. I'm not sure. I went to this demon guy, somewhere in Tanzania, and told him that I wanted to become what I was, I wanted to give you what you deserved." Once again Buffy put on a little bit of her puppy dog hurt face but silently let him continue. "So he made me take all these tests, right? And when I passed, he told me that he would make me what I was, and then I could give you what you deserved."  
  
"And he gave you your soul?"  
  
"Yeah. And you know, I think I've figured it out. I was, originally, human. And what you deserve…is a man, not a monster."  
  
Buffy lifted her hand and placed it softly on his face, rubbing her thumb over his sharp cheekbone.  
  
"Maybe," she began sheepishly, "maybe I deserve you." I watched a tear fall down her face and he leaned in and kissed it where it rested on her face. She smiled as he but soon pushed him away.  
  
"We can't, not yet."  
  
Spike nodded in agreement and smiled. She merely hugged him and looked at me sitting on the stairs. She smiled and I gave a thumbs up as Spike released her from there embrace.  
  
"Buffy, I know I shouldn't ask you this, but, would you mind if I stayed here, for the night? I've- it's been hard, to be alone."  
  
"It's fine Spike."  
  
Spike looked completely shocked at her response. I'm sure he was expecting a punch in the face but Buffy was obviously feeling really sympethetic.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Really, it's okay. If you want to talk some more-"  
  
"Actually," he said, cutting her off, "I really just want to go to sleep."  
  
"Okay. I'll get you a blanket-you can stay on the couch."  
  
Spike nodded in agreement, and Buffy ran upstairs to where I and the linen closet were.  
  
"You know," she whispered to me, "it's not polite to listen in on other peoples conversations."  
  
I just shrugged and ran off to my room, flinging op my closet door. It only took a minute to find where I had been storing Spike's leather duster. I pulled it out and looked at, finally it would be going back to its proper owner. 


	3. Sleepless

***Dawn's POV***  
  
I awoke with a start. It had been such an emotional night, with Spike returning that sleep was nearly impossible. I looked at the clock that was next my bed, it's numbers glowing 2:37 in bright red luminescence. I moaned at the early hour and decided to go downstairs and raid the fridge for a little snack.  
  
As I walked down the stairs I saw Spike turn on the couch. I saw his Doc Martens as well as his shirt which were on the floor next to the couch. I was about to continue my trip to the kitchen when I heard the softest moan escape from his mouth. I looked back and saw him turn again. He was panting in his sleep, which I assumed was a reflex for I knew he did not need to breathe. His moans got louder and more agonizing and just as I thought he might explode misery and distress, he jerked awake.  
  
He looked around and swung his feet over the edge of the couch, still panting a bit from whatever he was dreaming. He placed his face in his hands and began to cry. CRY! I hadn't seen him cry this hard since Buffy died, and I was surprised to see that he cried more furiously than that night. I had never seen him look so weak, and it frightened me to see my protector like that.  
  
I turned and ran upstairs to Buffy's room. I didn't have a clue at what she could possibly do, but she had to do something!  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Huh? Dawnie? What is it?" She asked sleepily as I awakened her.  
  
"It's Spike!"  
  
"What?" She asked confused.  
  
"I think there's something wrong with him."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened with what I assumed was fright and she immediately hopped out of bed, taking the lead toward the stairs. As we left her room Willow came out of hers and saw the look of worry that MUST have been on my face. She said nothing but followed us down the stairs.  
  
When we reached the living room, spike was nowhere to be seen. Buffy looked around and walked into the kitchen to see that the door was open. She walked outside to see Spike crying on the steps of the back porch. Willow and I stood at the door and watched my sister try to calm him.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He made no response and Buffy sat down beside him.  
  
"Spike?" She asked again, putting her hand on his knee. He flinched reflexively and moved a few inches from where she sat.  
  
"Don't touch me," he commanded her. Buffy looked really hurt.  
  
"Why?"  
  
He looked up, his eyes red and his face tear-stained. "You shouldn't touch me."  
  
Buffy now just looked confused. "And why shouldn't I?"  
  
"I'm dirty," he professed, "I'm all covered in bodies. I'm disgusting"  
  
Buffy looked at me and I suddenly realized what was going on. I felt a tear fall from my eye and down my cheek, the guilt must have been killing him. I realized why he looked so tired; he must not have slept in weeks.  
  
"Oh god, Spike. I-I can't imagine how you must feel right now. Is there anything I can do, or get you?" Buffy asked kindly.  
  
Looked at her and then looked at his bare feet again. He nodded slightly but didn't look up.  
  
"What? If there's anything I can do…"  
  
"Call Angel."  
  
I almost fell backward and I could see the look of shock on her face. That was about the last thing I was expecting to here. I didn't know the details but I did know how much he hated Angel.  
  
"You want me to call Angel?" Buffy finally manages the words.  
  
Spike nodded again and laughed a little. "I thought I'd never say that. I thought I'd never need him."  
  
Tears began to fall from Spike's eyes again. He was so sad, and so tired, and I completely felt his pain. I knew what it was like to feel sad, and tired, and guilty.  
  
Buffy put her arm around Spike and he cried into her shoulder. I wasn't sure how long we were there just watching, but I could tell that he was happy that we were there.  
  
After a few minutes that seemed like hours, Buffy kissed Spike on the forehead and told him not to move. She got up and walked over to me, pulling me n the house.  
  
"Dawn, you know Angel's number, right?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Would you call him?"  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Dawnie, please just do this."  
  
I nodded in agreement and picked up the phone in the kitchen. Willow just looked from me to Buffy and without a word, walked back up the stairs.  
  
The phone rang and I heard a relatively unfamiliar voice pick up on the other end.  
  
"Angel investigations. We help the helpless, so come to us with your-"  
  
"I need to speak to Angel," I said surely.  
  
"Uh, may I ask who this is, please?"  
  
"Dawn Summers."  
  
"Summers as in Buffy Summers? Are you the slayer's sister."  
  
"Yes," I answered frustration obvious in my voice. It was late and I was not in the mood for small talk.  
  
"Oh, alright then." I heard the man call out to Angel, "he'll be right there."  
  
I just sighed in response and waited for Angel to pick up the phone.  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Hi, is everything alright?"  
  
"Well, not really but, who was that?"  
  
"Uh, Charles Gunn. What's wrong, did something happen to Buffy?"  
  
"No, not Buffy?"  
  
"What is it, then?"  
  
"It's Spike," I told him nervously, not sure of his reaction.  
  
"What? Did he do something?"  
  
"No no no. It's nothing like that."  
  
"Well then, out with it Dawn. You didn't call me for nothing."  
  
"It's just," I decided to just tell him, I wasn't in the mood for prefaces either, "he has a soul."  
  
"WHAT!?" Angel shouted loudly into the phone. I doubted whether or not he believed me, so I just decided to continue.  
  
"He went to Africa, and to make a long story short, he came back with a soul."  
  
"Why was he in Africa?"  
  
"Long story short, Angel," I insisted to him.  
  
"Oh, right." I gave him a minute to get over the shock. Angel knew Spike better than anyone I knew and I was sure that was the last thing he was expecting to hear. Finally, the vampire spoke again.  
  
"Why are you telling me this."  
  
"He wants to see you."  
  
"What? I'm not coming to see him."  
  
"Please Angel, your grandchilde really needs you right now."  
  
"I don't what he is-was to me. He's nothing to me now. He has no right to ask ANYTHING of me!" Angel sounded as though he was firm in his decision.  
  
"Angel-"  
  
"What?"  
  
I took a deep breath. I knew exactly what to say to get him to come. "You had to go through this alone, why should he."  
  
Angel sighed and I gave him another moment to collect his thoughts.  
  
"Alright, I'll come." 


	4. Visit From An Old Friend

*A/n: In my fantasy world, Connor is indeed still a baby and never was stolen from Angel in the first place. Darla is dead and Wes is still an important part of the team.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
***Angel's POV***  
  
  
  
I hung up the phone after what may have been the most shocking and disturbing phone call of my life. I looked around and aimed my body for the sofa in the lobby of the Hyperion. I fell upon it and just sat in amazement.  
  
"Is everything okay?" Gunn asked concerned. He could probably see the obvious look of worry on my face. "Oh god, did Buffy die again?"  
  
I just laughed and looked up at him.  
  
"I'll take that as a no."  
  
"No, it's nothing like that. Is Cordy still here, she'll get a real kick out of this one."  
  
Gunn looked confused but beckoned Cordelia nonetheless. She came into the lobby looking tired and worn. Her hair was a mess but we had been working on a case that required the entire crew.  
  
"What is it?" She asked sleepily.  
  
"Spike has a soul," I told her as bluntly as I could.  
  
She merely stared at me, probably waiting for a 'gotcha' or 'just kidding,' but it never came and she watched me with her deep hazel eyes.  
  
"Your serious."  
  
"I am."  
  
"Wait wait wait," Gunn insisted, he did not know my history quite as well as Cordy, "is Spike the one that that freaky Drusilla chick sired?"  
  
"That's the one," I told him.  
  
"Just checkin'."  
  
"I have to go to Sunnydale," I told them both.  
  
"What?" Cordelia asked, "for Spike?"  
  
"For Spike," I assured her, she obviously wasn't too happy. "Think of it as a family obligation. You know, the kind where you REALLY don't want to go but have to anyway."  
  
She nodded in agreement and Gunn merely shrugged. I looked at the stairs that lead of to the room of my sleeping child. And walked in that direction.  
  
When I reached Connor's room I could hear his soft breathing and his heart beating softly. I sighed and walked over to his crib. I kissed him lightly on the forehead, careful not to wake my baby boy. I smiled and said nothing, but walked from his room and down the stairs. Without a word I walked out the front doors of the hotel and right to my car. I t was early enough in the night, Sunnydale was only about two hours away and I was sure I could make it there before the sun rose  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
As I pulled into the driveway of 1630 Rovello drive, I waited for a few minutes before I pulled the keys from the ignition.  
  
"Am I really doing this?" I asked no one but myself. I nodded and walked from the car to the door and rang the bell. It was barely six in the morning when I arrived so I was patient for someone to answer the door.  
  
Dawn pulled it open after what felt like an eternity of waiting, and she smiled warmly at me as I walked past her. She looked so grown up. I hadn't seen her since I left Sunnydale and it occurred to me that I had never *actually seen her before, since she technically has only been around since two summers ago. I didn't make an issue of it though, it had been a long, torturous drive.  
  
"Wow, Dawnie, you look, look at you."  
  
She blushed and looked at her feet. I could tell that she was flattered, and I just stood uncomfortably in the home that used to be, well, homey to me. Now it just seemed to bring back memories and emotions I hadn't felt in years. When Buffy walked down the stairs, I thought my heart would break in two but I kept my somber, brooding aura, I didn't come to create drama.  
  
"Hey Angel," she said as she walked over and hugged me.  
  
"Hey," I replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.  
  
The three of us stood in silence until I felt like I would explode. I wanted to break the silence but I really had nothing to say. Finally after what felt like years, Buffy asked me to sit down.  
  
"Do you want anything?" She asked, "we may have some blood in the fridge believe it or not."  
  
I shook my head. "I'm fine, thanks."  
  
"Dawnie, could Angel and I have a minute?" Dawn obliged without resistance and ran up the stairs to where I remember here room was located. Buffy sat down beside me and smiled warmly.  
  
"Angel, I-I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you coming."  
  
I merely nodded in response.  
  
"To be perfectly honest, I didn't think you'd agree."  
  
"I didn't either," I told her, trying to be just as honest. I really didn't want to be there, I still hated Spike with a passion, but what I had said before, about family obligation, it was starting to get to me.  
  
"It's just, I've realized that Spike means a lot to m-Dawn, and, it's important to her that he's okay."  
  
"Are you in love with him?" I was shocked at my own bluntness. I had wanted to ask that question since I arrived, but I thought that I would wait for a better time.  
  
Buffy cocked her head as though she didn't know what to say. She wasn't surprised, or angry, she just looked sad.  
  
"I don't know," she answered, shaking her head and staring at her feet.  
  
I nodded and we sat in silence, I was really hoping for a 'no,' but for whatever reason, I wasn't expecting one. I knew Spike loved Buffy, it wasn't like I hadn't heard. I wasn't surprised by his affection for her, he always had an obsession with slayers. Besides, he had a thing for strong women.  
  
Buffy looked up and me and sighed. "I'm not really sure what to say."  
  
"Then that makes two of us I guess." We laughed, not for humor but for the sake of making some noise so that things wouldn't be so awkward.  
  
"Do you want me to tell him you're here? Do you think your ready?"  
  
I shrugged. What could I possibly say to that. In reality, I was never really ready for Spike.  
  
"I want you to remember something Angel. I want you to remember that he wants you here. I don't know why you two didn't get along one hundred years ago, but he is obviously willing to put his differences behind him, please do the same. Also, if anything gets broken you are so paying for it." She said the last part with a smile, I was happy to see her smile a genuine smile.  
  
"Alright Buffy, I'll behave," I taunted back at the girl I used to love and the woman I still did. She disappeared up the stairs. I waited in silence but a million voices were chatting away inside my head. When I finally calmed down I gave myself one last piece of advice.  
  
"Okay, Angel, try to behave." 


	5. Somebody to Live For

***Angel's POV***  
  
  
  
I could hear his slow steps from above as he made his way towards the stairs. He descending without even his signature cocky grin. I was shocked to see how he looked. I had known him for over one hundred and twenty years and I had never seen him look so sad, so tired, so worn. I imagine that that's how I must have looked like for the first few years of my 'soulfulness.' He looked like he was letting himself go. I could see his dark blonde roots growing in below his bleached hair. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, neither of us knew what to say.  
  
"Spike," I said to him with a nod.  
  
"Angelus," he replied. He still referred to me as Angelus, I have no idea why. Old habits die hard I guess.  
  
We stood in awkward silence for god knows how long. Finally, without a worn, Spike walked past me and into the kitchen. I followed him and saw that he had pulled out a packet of blood.  
  
"I have another one if you like," he told me without looking up from the refrigerator. He obviously was having trouble looking me in the eye, I assumed he was embarrassed for asking me for help. He was very capable and hating asking for anything, especially from me.  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Suit yourself," he told me with a sigh.  
  
"You look, thinner," I told him. Probably wasn't the best way to start conversation. But I had to say something because I knew he wouldn't start.  
  
"Yeah, well, haven't been eating much lately. The constant feeling of nausea makes it kind of hard," he told me as he poured the blood as well as seltzer into a tall glass. I laughed at his strange mix of drinks.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Does it work?" I asked him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The seltzer, does it help?"  
  
"Not really. I like the bubbles."  
  
I nodded and smiled. I had so many things that I truly wanted to ask him, but I wanted to be careful not to pick something too sensitive. Wow! I actually cared about how he felt. That was new.  
  
He sat down at the island and I sat beside him on one of the stools. I decided that then was as good a time as any to break the silence.  
  
"Why did you want me to come?"  
  
He sighed and cocked his head. "I'm really sure myself. I just, it's-you know how this feels, you must. I needed to know that I wasn't alone. I feel, it feels so empty. Like everything inside of me has been ripped away, and now all that's left is this horrible sadness and pain."  
  
I nodded, I knew exactly what he was talking about.  
  
"And then when I finally feel a little better. Buffy and Dawn try to be there for me. And then there's the guilt. Ten years ago, Dawn would have been just another meal; just another body. And, I love her so much, you know? And with Buffy, I've tried to kill her, and…"  
  
He trailed off. He looked like he was going to cry. The only time that I ever saw him cry was the night that Drusilla turned him. I had a lot that I wanted to say to him, but I figured it would best to let him get out everything he wanted to say.  
  
"I love her so much, Angel. It burns, and it aches, but when she's near me it's like everything's okay, and…" he stopped again. "She makes me feel like a good person. She's my muse, you know, she's the source of everything good in me. And when we would, when we were together, there was little voice telling me that I didn't deserve her."  
  
That was his breaking point, tears fell from his eyes relentlessly. But he continued to speak.  
  
"I wonder though, if I had gotten the chip out instead," his voice cracked as he spoke, "what would I have done to her. What would Dawn think of me?"  
  
"Are you afraid you would have hurt them?" I asked.  
  
"No, I'm afraid I would have hurt Buffy. And if I had hurt Buffy, Dawn would never, she'd hate me."  
  
"So, you don't think you would have hurt Dawn?"  
  
"Not would have, mat, could have. I don't think I could hurt her."  
  
I smiled. "Well, there's some progress there," I assured him.  
  
"So, is that it?" He asked, "is this what I have become. A mopey, broody character like you? No offense mate, but I really don't want to end up like you."  
  
"That's okay, Spike, I don't want you to be like me either." We both laughed, I was actually enjoying spending a pleasant moment with my grandchilde.  
  
"Let me tell you something Spike, I spent almost one hundred years with a soul before Buffy. I honed in on my brooding skills. And well, look at me, I'm a pro. Anyway, then came Buffy, and I began to question everything, about how I felt, who I was, etc. Then I left, and when I did, I left a little piece of myself with Buffy. I went to LA, and my brooding resumed. It took over two years to find something that gave me meaning, and do you know what that was, Spike?"  
  
"Connor."  
  
"Yes, Connor. He is my everything. Everything I have, everything I am, is him. And do you know where he came from. A curse, Darla was brought back and she messed up everything I had worked for. I abandoned my friends, my clients, everything I had to hunt her and Drusilla down. You may not realize this, but hurting them was one of the hardest things I ever had to do."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"You may not realize this, but regardless of whether or not I have a soul, I am deeply bonded by blood to them. Darla was my sire, I killed her once before, for Buffy. But now I didn't even have that so trying to kill her seemed pointless."  
  
"What about Dru?"  
  
"Well, you probably realized that she was my favorite childe."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Anyway, out of all my pain and suffering, one night of lust with the woman I had been trying to kill brought about something I thought I could never have. I held her hand, and kissed her, and told her to hold on. Then she killed herself, and from her ashes cam my son. I hadn't felt that connected to her since the night she made me."  
  
"This isn't too uplifting, I'll have you know. Is there a point, maybe a fun moral?"  
  
"My point is, from something I thought was a curse, came my greatest blessing. I thought that being a vampire was the worst thing that could have happened to me since I got my soul back. But, if I had never become a vampire, I'd never have Connor. Right now, you may feel like having a soul is horrible, but you just need to find something to live for. I think you already do." I motioned to the young woman who was walking into the kitchen. He smiled at me and we both watched her walk into the kitchen.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt."  
  
"No need to apologize, Nibblet."  
  
She smiled and walked toward the cabinet, taking out a Pop Tart. She ripped open the silver package and took out one, leaving the other in the box. She then walked over Spike and hugged him. He hugged back and kissed her forehead. She then, without a word, walked from the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah," he said with a smile, "I've got something."  
  
I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I know that I can never be with Buffy. And I don't want to try and push something that will never happen. But just as a little piece of advice, she worth working for, William."  
  
He flinched a little at hearing his name, but then smiled. He genuinely looked like he was happy. He turned from the kitchen and walked briskly up the stairs; I followed him with curiosity. He walked into Buffy's room and took her hands. She stood up from her bed.  
  
"What's the matter?" She asked worriedly.  
  
"Nothing, that's the thing, everything's going to be okay. I see that now. I know that I'm not the type of man who deserves you, not yet. But I will show you, I love you so much Buffy."  
  
From his words tears formed in her eyes. She said nothing but placed a soft kiss on his lips. He smiled and they both began to laugh.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening," she told him. "I feel like I'm falling all the time."  
  
"I'll catch you, I'll always-well, you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
I felt a tremendous amount of jealousy fill every part of my being. I wanted it to be me holding Buffy, kissing Buffy, having Buffy. But I knew deep down, that even Spike deserved a little happiness. I turned to walk back downstairs but Spike grabbed my shoulders.  
  
"Thank you. You didn't have to come."  
  
"I know."  
  
"No, you can't comprehend how much it means to me. You were like a father to me and, I'm glad-"  
  
"Spike, you're welcome. Okay?"  
  
He nodded in agreement and I continued downstairs. I couldn't leave for quite sometime so I thought I'd, you know, reflect. And well, I've decided that, yeah, Spike did deserve a little happiness. And maybe now I had two somebodies, you know, to live for. Family is family, right? 


End file.
